2023 ‧ Comedy/Drama ‧ 93m
The Sundance comedy-drama You Hurt My Feelings opens wide as the summer blockbuster season descends upon us. Written and directed by Nicole Holofcener, the film offers an antidote to the bombast and grandiosity. Not that those are bad traits, but sometimes a quiet indie film is needed to start off the sunny season.
Beth, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, is a writer trying to publish a new book. Her first novel after making a name for herself with a memoir. She is married to currently “off-his-game” therapist Don, played by Tobias Menzies. They are they perfect couple. They share their food and even ice cream cones, much to the chagrin of their grown son Elliott, played by Owen Teague. They are so perfect, at one point Elliott tells them he feels like a third wheel as their son. The film may spend more time than it needs establishing the status quo with these characters before the conflict arises. While on an outing with her sister Sarah, played by Michaela Watkins, they find their husbands talking while shopping for socks. Don is lamenting to his brother-in-law Mark, Arian Moayed, that he does not like Beth’s novel and is tired of reading the various drafts. Beth overhears this, and thus the titular feelings are hurt. Beth feels betrayed, and it affects their relationship. Holofcener here very much succeeds in having a low-stakes issue, become a high-stakes problem.
The performances feel authentic, not just because the actors know what they are doing, but also Holofcener’s script. Though Beth and Don are the main focus, her sister Sarah and her husband Mark offer a different predicament. Mark is a struggling actor, and Sarah is a frustrated interior designer. All the couples are dealing with the ennui and malaise that comes with getting older. Holofcener often juxtaposes the characters with Don’s therapy clients. We are treated to several couples’ therapy scenes with Carolyn and Jonathan, played by real life marred couple Amber Tamblyn and David Cross. These interactions add a foil to our main characters, showing a wider spectrum of marital issues. The film might not have the biggest sense of conflict, but that is not the point of this story. Most marriages are not filled with big dramatic fights, but usually small sad tiffs and arguments. Which can lead to bigger issues, and Holofcener shows that with Don’s clients.
One will likely think of Holofcener’s other films, particularly Friends with Money. Her films often deal with the beautifully mundane day-to-days of marriage and family. Michaela Watkins, who is great as Sarah, does seem to be in a Katherine Keener role in the director’s other movies. Somewhat muddled at first, the film seems to finally gel toward the final act. In hindsight that makes a lot of sense with what the characters are going through but can be frustrating in the moment. In that sense, it grows on the viewer, giving them something to process. Minor nitpick, which may turn off some viewers from watching, the title is not great. It fits the film and the themes, but it comes up somewhat incongruous for a film about adults and adult problems. Though perhaps there might be a comment on how supposedly adult behavior always has a root in small things.
There are too few films about adults in this day and age, and You Hurt My Feelings a welcome entry.
Grade: B